Emotional Cleansing

Awareness is the prerequisite for change.

Joan Borysenko

          As this year comes to an end, it is the perfect opportunity to release any unwanted experiences, thought, or belief systems that no longer serve you and holding broken and restrictive energy.

          We spend a lot of time cleaning out closets and drawers, clearing out old books and clutter even though it feels overwhelming.  When we finally clear out a space, you feel fantastic. 

          However, many of us have no idea how to do emotional cleansing or letting go of relationships or unhealthy choices that causes us stress.  Emotional cleansing is about activating a willingness to look at the ways in which emotions can run and ruin our lives.

          Emotional cleansing is about taking the time to dissect old behaviors and patterns that keep us in a constant state of drama.  The act of emotional cleansing requires that we slow down and clear out thinking that is not productive, negative self-talk, and the clutter of past experiences that haunt us.  Emotional cleansing is an art form.

          It takes practice and a deep commitment to clean out our emotional baggage.  It means looking honestly at what triggers us, how we behave under duress, and how a painful past has left us feeling helpless and disconnected.  It is about inviting good into our hearts and lives instead of focusing on challenges.  It is about asking for inner guidance and trusting that feelings do not define us.  Feelings are simply energy and can shift in an instant when we open to the light within us.

          Whatever you are holding onto that is keeping you small, now is the time to let it go!  Love is available; joy is around the corner; peace is surrounding you; light is expressing as your very life. 

Today, take charge of your emotional reactions.  Ask for guidance to clear out tendencies that are cluttered and constricting; and open yourself up to a life of magnificent joy!

The Drummer

Don’t follow someone else’s map.

Deepak Chopra

          The loud drum beat we hear in our lives comes from the external world; you need a bigger car, a bigger house, more status, more exotic vacations, more of more!  But, there is a softer drum with a different cadence; this drum is calling us to love, to practice compassion, to be caring, to grow spiritually.  If we don’t listen for that second drum we may think we are living the good life, but we will never be truly happy.

          A television program exposed how easily influenced we can be.  Groups of men and women were asked to compare geometric shapes.   Most of the people responded accurately, but when put in a group that deliberately gave wrong answers, some of the participants changed their correct answer to conform.

          True courage is being who you are no matter what others may say or think.  This is not easy.  The path of following our inner guidance takes great courage, especially when other people are pressuring us to follow the crowd.

          For our lives to have meaning we have to live from the inside out.  Having nice things and a great job is fine but they are no substitute for what really matters.  What really matters are moving beyond fear and expressing what we believe and who we are.

Today, step into the life that you are meant to express.  Move beyond all fear and know Spirit walks by your side.

Giving versus Sharing

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Buddha

          We often confuse sharing with giving.  Sharing is heart centered and not attached to the material world.  Giving is connected to physical things and is often mixed up with our definition of what we believe we need.

          When we are in a space of giving, need tends to be the primary denominator.  It could be a need to acknowledgement, validation, or acceptance.  It could be a need to be liked or to feel important.  It does not matter what it is we are trying to get.

          The mere act of needing is telling the universe that something is missing.  It is an act of stating lack, and when we do that, we attract more of what we are lacking.  People are afraid to let go of old ways of being, and so they spend money that they do not have in order to feel loved.

          Sharing, on the other hand, is about being open and contributing your gifts from your heart.  To share takes “material value” out of the situation and focuses on loving.  People instantly relax and take in the gift of you.  Sharing is an act of unconditional love.

Give yourself permission to share from the heart, expecting nothing in return.  Know that you are enough!

Demonstrating Forgiveness

The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good.

Catherine Ponder

          To demonstrate is to practically apply something.  Forgiveness is about releasing negative energy that can take you hostage.   Forgiveness means looking at our judgments and being willing to let them go in exchange for having peace of mind.  It is not about condoning anyone’s behavior.  It is not about letting people off the hook for misguided thinking or actions.  It is about being present and releasing people and events that cause us mental and emotional upheaval.

          The Hebrew word for forgiveness translates to 'drop it'.  Some of us carry our pain like a badge of honor.  It is how we identify who we are.  Who might you be without the blame and anger that keeps you connected to people and events that hurt you?

          I believe that absent the baggage of an unforgiving heart, you would be free to show up fully in every situation.  Without the baggage we carry around, all of us could be present to shine the light of our divinity in ways that would transform this planet.  I stand with you this day as you move into a place of choosing to drop anything that does not support the grace-filled life that you came here to express.

          So today, release everyone and everything that is not supporting your divine nature.  One of my quotes, “it is not about the situation, but how YOU deal with the situation that is important."

Choices

It is also helpful to think of adversity not as much as a threat to our peace of mind but rather as the very means by which patience is attained.

The Dalai Lama

          For some, the holiday season is a time of joy, family, and celebration.  For others, this is a time of profound sadness—wrought with pain and suffering from failed relationships, financial challenges, job dissatisfaction, and issues of self-worth.  Today I want to share a tool to help you or someone you love transform feelings of depression by looking at circumstances as gifts.

          The dictionary defines depressed as “low in spirit, dejected; suffering from social or economic hardship.”  It is about allowing life to move us to a state of feeling low, unwanted, uncertain, and fearful.

          On the other side of depression is expression.  I believe the reason each of us is here is to express our feelings, thoughts, and talents—to share our gifts in service to humanity—in a way that moves us forward, beyond limited thinking and choices that do not serve us.  This is where we can move from fear to faith, from doubt to trust, and from pain to power.  Know that your gifts are essential to this world.  Spirit must express through us and our job is to be willing to view everything as an opportunity for growth and healing.

Today, open to the realization that everything in the universe is conspiring for your full expression.  Every day, every moment, every second, there is choice.

Prosperity

   PROSPERITY is a way of thinking, a mindset.  The film producer Michael Todd once said, “I’ve been broke but I’ve never been poor.”  If we want to be prosperous in all things we must begin by taking responsibility for our own thoughts.  We must take charge of our life.  If we believe in struggle and chaos, that is what we will experience.  If we believe in an ever-expanding and giving universe, we manifest prosperity.

          If you believe there will never be enough, then there never will be enough.  The creative process is at work all the time.  We can’t pray for twenty minutes, meditate for a while and think negatively the rest of the day and expect to create the life we desire.  We must be vigilant; our spiritual work is not an end within itself.

          In Matthew 6:21 it is written, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  Ask yourself, “What do I treasure?  What is really important to me?”  Know that when you begin to do your spiritual work on a consistent basis, when you truly do live from a life space of gratitude and prosperity, your treasure will appear.  Today is a great day to begin.

Know that all you seek is yours.  Open yourself to receive your good.  Feel the presence of Spirit working in your life.

The Brilliance That Is You

          December is indeed a fusion of global consciousness vibration with all dreamers’ dreams of peace on earth and goodwill toward all from Christmas to Eid al-Adha to Hanukkah to Kwanzaa to Omisoka.  Each of these celebrations arises from the same two primary convictions that people can live ethically, harmoniously and prosperously; and the belief that, in reference to Jesus’ teachings, “I have set thee (each of us) to be a light.

          So, ‘tis the season to uncover your special, individual light.  The world needs it more than ever.  This doesn’t mean you have to jump up and down to lead a county-wide, emotional pep rally or “tag” walls with “the grinch is gone!”  It’s not a time for “let’s pretend.”  But it is a time to consciously ask for connection with the most powerful messages of the ages and to let them lead you.

          Right now—with hearts and minds pivoted on hopes for the very best we human beings can bring to earth—let us activate our wisdom and envision shelter wherever there appears to be a storm.  That’s taking illumination where it needs to go.

          To shine our brightest light, we must go to the spiritual level to resolve all things.  We’ll reach it by embracing solitude.  This is where we find connection to everything.  It’s from this place that we see more, and bring into our lives what really counts.  Why?  Because we’re coming from illumination.

          A great first step toward it?  Invite it.  Consider applying these words for ‘Open My Eyes That I May See,’ as a daily mantra:

Open my eyes that I may see

Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me.

Place in my hands the wonderful key

That shall unclasp and set me free.

Open my mouth, and let me bear.

Gladly the warm truth everwhere.

Open my heart and let me prepare

Love with Thy children thus to share.

Joyful Spirit

Within a holy relationship one never looks for what one can get, but only what one can joyfully share.  It is here one learns the truth; that giving and receiving are the same.

Christine Smith

          Yesterday, we celebrated the birth of Jesus, whom we recognized as a highly enlightened teacher who was in touch with his humanness and his divinity.  While many of us celebrated by sharing gifts and meals, there is a deeper meaning to this day.  It is a reminder that we can allow our Christ nature to be revealed.  “Let us no longer think of the traditional birth of Christ numbering the years backward.  Let us rather bring those years forward into our own experience and permit the new birth to take place in our own consciousness.”

          Today, we can look at the life of Jesus and know he was not the great exception but rather the great example.  And we can commit ourselves to bring peace, joy and compassion everywhere we are.

          So the teaching that Jesus brought to the planet was a teaching of wholeness, oneness, and divine order.  He represented the universal idea of us all being sons and daughters of the Most High.

          Having an understanding of what he taught can create a wonderful way to explore how we are expressing the consciousness of the Mystic Christ.  We have the opportunity to look at ourselves as part of the whole instead of separate from it.

Joyfully celebrate this holiday season knowing that each day is, indeed, a holy day. Joyfully greet each day in praise and thanksgiving and walk in the vibration of peace and good will toward all people on this earth.  By giving joy, peace and love, opens you up to be receptive to all the many gifts that the universe pours forth into your life.

The Seed

One of the reasons the Christmas story continues to resonate with us through the ages is the promise of the child. We can see in the face of every child the potential to grow into an amazing, unique human being. The ideal that the wisdom of Heaven lay sleeping with the child in the manger is a truth that every parent has felt when they first held a newborn baby in their arms.

When the Christ child appeared in the world, he entered into a great drama of politics and power. But the Godseed was too strong to be swept away in the events of the times. As we tell our own children and grandchildren this timeless story, let’s remind them that a mighty seed is planted in them as well. THE SEED IS ALWAYS THERE, and the Spirit that created us is longing to express itself through us.

Light of the Winter Solstice

    December 21^st is the Winter Solstice, the day that marks longest night of the year, but that also signals the beginning of lengthening days.  For thousand of years, cultures throughout the world have celebrated this day.  In ancient times, the short days of winter were difficult, so the promise of spring, the time of rebirth, was very important.  Solstice rites were held by virtually every culture---in Persia, India, Britain, China, Scandinavia, Africa, and the Americas.
      Light is the common theme in these celebrations.  In Iran, huge bonfires, were kindled at sunset to mark the festival of Sada.  Native Americans held rituals to insure victory of light over darkness.  The Vikings held Yule celebrations to mark the solstice.  The word Yule means “wheel,” so Yuletide celebrated the continuity of the cycles of nature.  The burning of the Yule log was thought to add light and strength to the waning sun.  Evergreens, the symbol of life even in the midst of darkness, have long been associated with midwinter celebrations.  Today’s modern wreaths were conceived when wheels, ineffective in the winter snow, were brought indoors and decorated with evergreen branches and candles.

          The lighting of candles has become a sacred ritual woven into many spiritual traditions.  In the Jewish tradition, Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, utilizes a menorah to celebrate a miracle when one night’s worth of oil lit candles for eight days.  A Kinara of seven candles is part of the African-American Kwanza celebration.  Symbolizing the light of Christ, candles are lit during Advent, the time of preparation and prayer leading to Christmas.

Today we can remember the timeless essence of the solstice—to kindle the divine light that dwells inside each soul so that light shines forth in joy, compassion, and love, illuminating the oneness and bringing true peace throughout the world.

Presence Rather Than Presents

          It’s easy to get preoccupied with shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, and doing—we become “absent-minded.”  Regardless of the task in which you are engaged, take a deep breath, relax and imagine breathing through your belly button as a way of becoming aware of yourself.  Constantly bringing yourself back to this state of being present, you give your attention or “presence,” rather than “presents,” to those around you.  You’ll notice ordinary moments transform into heartfelt connections whose memory endures long beyond the season. 

          Miraculously, being present slows you down, and suddenly you have all the time in the world.  Don’t be surprised if the holiday gathering, in which you didn’t have time to do whatever it was you wanted to do, becomes a peak experience as you release any concern or apology and focus on being in the moment—being yourself and enjoying those around you. 

Gratitude

Everything is a gift.  The degree to which we are awake to this truth is a measure of our gratefulness, and gratefulness is a measure of our aliveness.

Brother David Steindl-Rast

          For years I have taught that what we put our attention on grows and that we are always at choice.  So, we have a choice to bemoan what we believe is missing from our lives or to be thankful for our blessings.  I believe that Steindl-Rast said it perfectly in the quote above.  All too often we forget the beauty around us and concentrate on what we believe we lack.  The truth is we have everything we need if we are willing to awaken to it.

          Even when we are going through difficult times we can find something to be grateful for.  When we begin our day in a state of gratitude we attract more blessings.  Begin giving thanks for all the good that life has handed you and watch it multiply.  When we truly understand that gratitude is a cause and not an effect, our lives are transformed.

Today give thanks for all the blessings in your life.  Practice gratitude in every aspect of your life.  Try it you will like it!

Planting Your Seeds

Know that you are in command of your situation at all times.

Rasha

          We are planting seeds in every moment.  Our thoughts are seeds that must come to fruition.  It is important to be clear and then plant consciously.

          Are you awake or asleep in the way in which you are moving in the world?  If you are awake and conscious, then you are clear about the choices you are making most of the time.  Being awake looks like clear-thinking, forward-propelling decisions, and heart-centered relationships.

          Being asleep is reflective of unconscious thoughts and actions that create doubt-filled patterns, negative-self-talk, and self-sabotaging behavior.

          Peace, joy, harmony, and love are natural states of being.  If you are not having the experience of these qualities, explore the seeds that you have been planting in consciousness.  Now is the time or opportunity to re-train your thinking and to restructure old beliefs that no longer serve you.

          You are here to radiate your divinity, to bring and receive love. 

          Plant seeds of truth and watch the garden of your life bloom in a spiritual and magnificent way.

Today, plant the seeds of great good and trust in the Law of Good.

Forgiveness

I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.

Booker T. Washington

          FORGIVENESS is an act of the heart.  It doesn’t depend on anyone else.  It is not pardoning unacceptable behavior.  It does not mean you have to become friends with the person who hurt you.  It is an act of freeing OURSELVES from a past hurt.  When we hold resentment against someone, we are bound to that person.

          One of the most wonderful spiritual practices we can develop is to release.  If we hold on to anger and pain, we make ourselves sick.  When we learn to release the hurt we are able to move on with our lives.  It is ironic that in many situations the person we are upset with doesn’t know that they are the object of our bitterness.

          There are a lot of us holding on to our pain.  Perhaps the next time someone hurts you in some way, rather than seeing that person as purposefully being hurtful, see them as being wounded.  Know they would not hurt you unless they are also hurting in some way; when you can do that, forgiveness becomes easier. 

As you forgive and move on, your load will become much lightner.

Done

Dear Dr.DJ,

I know a person that I thought was really my friend . It's weird because at first she is really cool, funny, happy outgoing people and everyone wants to be around her, and she tend to dress different or act different or try to stand out. But after being around her I would feel just bad, and I would think "why am I feeling so anxious and depressed now? I just hung out with this really cool and funny person."

What it took me months to realize was that their funny and happy outside was an attempt to conceal huge insecurities on the inside. They'd make jokes like "you talk funny and etc!" which were not jokes, they were insults. They were trying to make you feel bad about yourself to make themselves feel cooler. And I realized eventually that someone who needs to be around people that badly all the time must be REALLY insecure.

Totally done with people like that!
Done

Dear Done,
It sounds like you have been involved with what we call in my profession is " an emotional vampire".
Just walk away from people like that and don't look back.  You are wise to be totally done with people who make you feel bad.

I welcome my readers to send your emails to me if you are or have been involved with these "emotional vampires" (sociopaths, friends that are jerks, narcissistic, psychopaths)

Thanks for all the emails and I will address them as they come in. Please allow at least 48 hours to post your emails.

askdrdj@comcast.net

Worried About My Son

Dear Dr.DJ
I have a son who is in his 20's and has been going to a psychologist for several years. When he was a teenager, I sent him to have piano lessons. It seems that the teacher started teaching him piano at her home and molesting him. He has not been the same ever since this happened. Ever time I try to talk about it to him and convince him to go to authorities, he just clams up. He is embarrassed and to be honest, our whole family is embarrassed to let this happen to him. I don't know what kind of spell she put on him, but I have found out that she is into some cult thing. I also found out that several parents at this time pulled their children away and started sending them to another piano teacher. I don't know what to do but feel that she needs to be punished for what she has done to my child. Is it too late to go to authorities since it has been several years ago and he is in his 20's now?
Worried About My Son

Dear Worried,

No, it is not too late to go to authorities. Have you talked to the psychologist to see what she suggests? Have you tried to get in touch with the other parents? You have to convince your son that he has not done anything wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. I bet if you start checking around, you will find that she has done this before.

Good Luck

Not Sure What To Do

Dear Dr.D.J.
I go out every once in a while with my husband to a local restaurant. I have noticed that this woman is sitting at the bar with her two daughters or sometimes one, who looks like around 10 yrs. old. This person is usually drunk and the ones at the bar are afraid to be their selves because of the young daughter sitting there and listening to sometimes bad conversation.
The last time I was there, the woman even embarrassed her husband , who by the way is drinking quite a bit himself. During this time, the young daughter was sitting at the bar by her self while the two parents are running around and socializing.
I am really concern about them driving drunk with these two young girls in the car. The other daughter looks about 14 yrs. old and not old enough to drive. This has happened a couple of times. What should I do to protect these young girls or do you think I should get involved.
Not Sure What To Do

Dear Not Sure,

First, I would go to the establishment and get the manager to handle it. If they can not do anything, then I would also call the police when you see them leave the restaurant with the young children drunk. Of course, if you go to the establishment about them, they will just go to another restaurant. But at least, you tried. You might want to get their tag number next time.

Good luck.

Want to Break Away

Dear Dr.DJ
I have a friend that I feel she is dangerous and that she has serious mental issues, the least of which is being a pathological liar. She really thinks she has some kind of powers but is very manipulative and if you go against her, she goes after your family, friends and any one that stands in her way. I saw her and was involved with her when she has done this to other people.She is starting to scare me with her tactics of destroying people to get what she wants. But I am not sure what she wants and why she does this. She claims to be friends with the D.A.
She has asked us to destroy people's personal property, to spy on them and take pictures just to let them know that she is watching them. She gets on the internet and makes slanderous comments about them and also against their family and friends. What she blames other people of doing, she is doing.What is wrong with her and how can I break away from her?

Want to Break Away


Dear Want to Break Away,

Sounds like this person is a narcissist sociopath, and who tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lie a person that is self-centered, dishonest, irresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These people live with a false sense of grandiosity and special ness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath the fake exterior is an empty fraud that is lacking a human soul.
You have to understand and recognize these symptoms and deal very carefully with this person. The sociopath is a person without conscience, with a lust for control of other people. The tools of a sociopath are charm and distortion of reality. It is a sickness and the causes are either both genetic and environmental but not fully understood, yet.
Dealing with this situation or this person is very complex. Try to gradually pull away from this person and avoid getting involved with her.



Good Luck.