HEIGHTENED PERSPECTIVE

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!! Please Read all the way to the bottom: If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis: They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy........ I've learned .... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.. I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned ..... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper.  The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned ..... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned ..... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned ..... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.. I 've learned .... That when you plan to get e ven with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned ..... That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned ... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.   I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned ... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.   I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned .... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned .... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. To all of you....  It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends & family how much you care. This sent to me by a friend.

Friendly & Welcoming Universe

Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.

---Ralph Waldo Emerson

          A few years ago, I heard a discussion about the fact that this is a friendly and welcoming universe.  Thanks to spiritual practices, I wholeheartedly agree.

          Switching from fear to faith in regards to humanity is rarely an instant change.  Here is a four-step technique to maintain a friendly and welcoming attitude toward life.

          The First part is to make eye contact with everyone.  It is a gift to take the time to really look at someone, to see the color and beauty of their eyes, to acknowledge their uniqueness.

          The Second thing is smile at people, hoping it may lighten someone’s mood.

          The Third step is to learn and use the names of people you interact with regularly.  They become more than just the clerk, the mailman, or the coffee vendor.

          And lastly, make an effort to compliment everyone and thank them for a job well done.  There is something in every interaction that is a blessing---find it and point it out.  The effect of these simply techniques on others is a joy to behold.

          These are all practices---the more we do them, the easier they become and the greater are the rewards.  Rarely have I practiced these techniques and left an interaction dissatisfied.  Also, if you consistently practice these four steps, you will receive nothing less than great service everywhere you go.

To live in a friendly and welcoming universe, show your interest in another with eye contact, smiling, speaking their name, and expressing appreciation.  Be grateful for each unique expression of Spirit.

Keys to the Garden.

The difference between everyday living and in living in ….moments of ecstasy is the difference between being outside and inside the Garden

Joseph Campbell

The mystics from nearly every faith tradition tell us that heaven on earth is all around us and always has been.  We can see it, they say, when we awaken from our habitual absorption in self-centered fantasy and begin to experience the world as it really is.  Four steps can achieve this awakened perception:

• Stop thinking---it’s not that hard for a few minutes.
• Heighten awareness---as if there were a lion prowling outside your house and all your senses were acutely intensified
• Experience the world exactly as it is---to see, touch, and listen in an intensely sensory way
• Come into the divine Presence---that is, become consciousness of consciousness itself, for pure consciousness (cleanse of mind, time and self) is, in fact, divine consciousness 

Achieving these simple shifts in consciousness allows one to move from conceptual to perceptual awareness, that is, from a subjective world created by thought and imagination (variously called maya, delusion, or psychological projection) to a pristine, timeless, infinitely beautiful, precious and joyful, loving and holy Reality all around us. 

When you examine anything with this kind of intense and purified consciousness, you begin to notice exquisite dimensions of light, color, texture, and form overlooked in our customary impatient and egocentric awareness.  In fact, you are looking directly into heaven on earth:  the ordinary world transfigured by mystical consciousness into divinity itself.  In this way, even problems and emotional distress become doorways into the divine world.

John Robinson

Finding Heaven HERE

I have been getting a lot of emails concerning my statement and what I mean by “The kingdom of heaven is within” and other words from Jesus “The father’s kingdom is spread out upon the earth and people do not see it.” 

          I know that the daily demands of parenting, commuting, work, and bills, how is it possible to find heaven here?  Let’s go to heaven on earth right now.  With a gentle shift of heart and mind through daily practices, you can realize heaven on earth.

          Find a relatively peaceful and pleasant place to stop everything, disconnect from people, phones, and tasks, and be quite for a few minutes.  Breathe deeply, quiet your mind, and downshift from the world’s hectic pace.

          Make a conscious effort to create a sacred space.  Meditate, pray, play soothing music or read a something that touches you spiritually.  Experience the Divine in whatever ways feel most natural to you.

          Now stop thinking, heighten your awareness, and begin examining the world as it is, without the need for names, ideas, judgments, or beliefs.  Just look at whatever is around you and see it as if for the very first time.  Notice the colors, patterns, textures, and spatial arrangements of things, and how light and your own movement subtly affect their appearance.  Open your senses to explore the world around:  see, listen, touch, smell, taste.  Be fascinated and you will quickly discover that the world is not what you think.

          Bring love and joy to whatever you experience.  You already know how to love; love everything unconditionally in this moment and see how the world changes before your eyes.

          Now silently repeat, “This is heaven.”  As you do this, notice how your perception and feelings deepen.  You are now looking directly into heaven on earth.  But don’t start thinking about this idea or the mind will hijack the new seeing.  Stay in this thought-free and awakened consciousness for a least several minutes.

          When you feel refreshed, renewed, and happy, resume your life at a slower and more conscious pace.  While you may lose this heavenly state of consciousness when things speed up, you can always come back by repeating these steps.  More importantly, this kind of seeing will progressively transform your world until you begin to see heaven everywhere.

          The Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world as we know it in 2012, Native Americans such as the Hopi say we are now at the end of the final and most corrupt stage of western civilization, astrologers describe the present era as a transition from dualistic perception to a new unitary consciousness, and a collective hunger for social and political change sweeps across America.  What does all this mean?  It means that the human species is on the threshold of transcending the old patriarchal world order and waking up to the experience of heaven on earth here and now, and this awaking consciousness will change everything.

          We don't have to die to go to Heaven.  Heaven is already here!  Seeing it does not require some new or clairvoyant aptitude, but instead simply ceasing the habit of viewing things through the distorting lens of thought and fantasy and seeing the world exactly as it is.  We can discover that this world, right where we are, has become an infinitely precious and beautiful mystery saturated with the intimacy of the Divine’s presence.  It would be the Garden once again.

          The love and happiness arising from this perceptual shift would literally change the world.   

Happy New Year Resolution

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner
like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food
that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33 Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29 Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about..
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with
His/her mistakes of the past.
That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and
fade away like algebra
class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Advice Column

I will be posting some of the emails that I have received over the last month.  Please when sending me an email, don't mention names or places.  I can not post your emails on line.  I do not change your emails and they will be posted just as you send them.  This will be for advice only and not a bash blog.  All comments will be screened by me or one of my staff members. 
 Comments made on askdrdj's blog or any forums or website linked to this blog do not necessarily represent those of the askdrdj's staff, its sponsors, its advertisers, or its readers.

Thank you and have a Happy New Year!

The Narcissistic Sociopath

Dear DrDJ

I can’t go into too much detail about this, but I am dealing with one of these characters  a Narcissistic Sociopath right now. All I can say if you run across these people in your life is run, don’t walk, right away from them as fast as you can.

This person is simply out and out harmful to anyone in her path. She has done tremendous harm to alot of people in the past, and if we continue to deal with them, they will continue to try to inflict, or will inflict, harm on you.

I think they can’t help it, but I’m also wondering if they are incurable. Most people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder cannot be helped. Why? They do not wish to be cured, see nothing wrong with themselves, and never will.

A few can be cured, but it’s not easy. You can’t change a tiger into a lion. You can’t change your basic personality. This is a law of psychology. For all personalities, there exists a pathological side and a healthy side. For NPD, the healthy side is called Confident Personality. For APD, the healthy side is called Aggressive Personality. Neither are optimal, but truly healthy personalities are either exceedingly rare or possibly nonexistent.

There are varying degrees of narcissism. First is the narcissism that any healthy person has. Then we start getting into varying degrees of narcissism. At some point, you have to say someone has narcissistic traits, or is a narcissist. That doesn’t mean NPD. As one starts getting more pathological, we start moving into NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is an extremely serious condition in which the individual ends up causing harm to most of the significant people in their life. As I said above, get all the harmful narcissists out of your life.

Pure sociopaths pretty much don’t give a damn whether anyone likes them or not. I don’t think they need attention or admiration either – I imagine they could care less about that too. I doubt if criticism bothers them much either. Most sociopaths seem to smile, laugh or glibly explain away any criticism directed at them. That, or they ignore it altogether.

The sociopath is not hurt by your criticism because there’s nothing there to hurt. It’s like yelling at a grizzly bear in a cage. The bear just looks up at you like, “Screw you, human,” and goes back to whatever he was doing.

If the sociopath feels that the criticism may harm them or thwart their plans, they may become alarmed, because these are machines dedicated to carrying out their plans. Thwarted plans don’t get carried out. Not good. So criticism simply spins the sociopath into a dizzying performance of lying, more lying, lies upon lies layered upon more lies, show-business style performance, the Mother of All Personal Charm Shows, on and on.

The “show” is so mesmerizing, baffling, confusing and charming that you can barely understand what’s happening, but a lot of times, you end up going along with the sociopath. Afterward, maybe you wonder why. The sociopath gets up and walks out of the room and out of your life.

Later, picking up the pieces, you are sitting there, dazed, shaking your head. “What the Hell was that?” you are thinking. It’s like you just got hit by a Human Tornado that whirled into your life, trashed a lot of stuff, and then twisted off speedily into the sunset. You look outside, and it’s gone. You’ve been the victim of an emotional mugging, and you still can’t make sense of it.

There’s plenty on the Net about both sociopathy and narcissism and I have only barely scratched the surface here. Suffice to say that I feel that the sociopath is at the far end of the narcissistic scale. The sociopath is an ultra-narcissist.

They are so superior and above it all that they don't  even care anymore. They think you’re an idiot, and doesn’t care if you disagree. They will use you, abuse you, maybe even steal from you, assault you or kill you, but then they will sit down and eat a bowl of cereal like nothing else happened. That’s the ultimate in narcissism. You don’t exist as another human being to them. You’re a pure object, a tool, a means to an end. You may as well be a steering wheel or a hammer – that’s how much humanity you have to them.

The truth is that this is all just spectrum, probably emanating from extroversion at one end and moving through narcissism and all the way to psychopathy.

This entire spectrum is utterly the opposite of the introvert – fearful – neurotic type, but your average moron can’t figure that out. As a society, we think that shy introverts are “psycho”,  probably because we worship extroversion and despise introversion. Truth is the true, pure, classic introvert is the least harmful or dangerous person, the least likely to hurt an innocent person, on Earth.

True, they are not all wimps, and some will fight back against the abuse they are typically subjected to. But that’s not the same as the abusive aggression of the narcissist and sociopath that targets the innocent.
Why the introvert is generally so harmless is a fascinating subject, but I think I will leave it for another post to you.

I would also point out that most sociopaths are never arrested. These are the “controlled sociopaths” swarming all over the worlds of business, law, politics, law enforcement and the military. All of these professions provide outlets for controlled sociopaths to channel their antisocial and extremely aggressive behavior into. The  crooked businessperson, con artist,  ruthless lying and wheeling/dealing porno writers come to mind. 

One of the Past BS

Dear Past BS,


I know what type of character you are referring to.  I agree run away  from them as fast as you can.  You have said it all in your email to me.  Thanks

Worried About My Son

Dear DrDJ,

I was reading in your advice column about Worried About My Son.  Do you think maybe this piano teacher is bipolar? 

According to one psychiatric journal:

People with bipolar disorder experiencing hypersexuality may:

• Have multiple sex partners
• Think about sex constantly
• Have one-night stands
• Be more interested in pornography
• Notice a difference in their sexual behaviors
• Engage in other reckless behaviors like driving too fast or gambling